Today, I am working with anxiety.

Even writing that out, knowing I will be sharing it with you, I feel my body begin to relax.

There are many, many different ways of “working with” feelings… and most often, particularly having a business in the “self-development” industry, my focus tends to be centered on “working with” in order to “make it better.” And this is exactly where I can tend to spin myself into more and more anxiety. By trying to "fix it."

I personally tend to skip over the step of accepting myself and my feelings.

The very step that I emphasize, again and again, with my clients. There's a reason I need to emphasize it. It's so against so much of what we're taught in Western culture.

Today, I am not focusing on "working with" the anxiety. I'm simply working (on Queer Body Love), with anxiety by my side. I'm acknowledging that it's there with me, not trying to change it.

Hi, anxiety! At least in this moment. It may go away, but have you ever tried to shoo away a child who really wants your attention? So today, I greet it with kindness. Trying to do a ton of things to “prove to myself” that I’m a “worthy person” (my tendency) isn’t actually the underlying shift I need to make.

The shift I need to make is towards acceptance of myself even, and especially, when I don’t feel super hot.

What if it were okay if I didn’t always feel like everything flowed with joy and ease? What if I accepted that being in this human body with human emotions means that I will have good days, bad days, glorious days, hideous days, everything in between, and of course, totally boring, “normal” days, and days with ups and downs and twists and turns? In other words, what if I accepted each moment as it came?

And then, from a place of acceptance, I can be curious about what the feelings are trying to tell me.

The anxiety of today comes from perfectionism, lack of clarity, and feeling like there is one right way.

What can I tidy up in this moment, for me and for you? What can I clarify to create more ease?

There's work that can be done in many levels with all of those underlying causes of anxiety. And in this moment, there's actually a really simple action I can take to clarify something for me and for you.

I said this blog writing would be a daily practice and offering. In my mind I hadn’t been completely sure whether this would be daily daily, or weekday daily.

This past weekend I went to a fabulous wedding (themed “Celebration of Glittering Hedonism” at hot springs… ohmygod amazing... will have to write about that in some other posts) and didn’t write.

So, I’ve been sitting in underlying judgment of myself for failing, already, with my daily anchor of writing in November.

Vagueness / underlying perfectionism that hasn't even been clarified so I can work with it ---> anxiety (and, luckily, is shiftable!).

In this moment, since I (and you, and we) make up the rules… the rules of the game is that I will have freshly written writing at least 5 days a week, and if there’s more than that it’s icing on the cake.

And with that... "see" you tomorrow!

This is one entry in the November Queer Body Love daily blog writing, where I will be exploring through writing what I see, think, pray, and question. I don’t know what liberation looks like, but I want that for you, and for us. This blog is me sharing a personal practice of being with the question of what that might look like in the hopes that it might be useful. If you're interested in personal support from me as your guide as you explore that in your own body and life, check out my newest 1-on-1 offering, SOFTEN. I can sit with you with so much love and compassion as you orient in the direction of more ease and comfort in your body and with yourself. Together we'll take a stand for new possibilities.