You know that feeling when you know you have to breakup with somebody but you're scared to actually do it?
You know it's not right.
But it's hard to let go of the dream and the hopes of what it could be.
You don't want to let go of what's there, and what might be possible, because you've put time and energy into those dreams.
It can be hard to know when it's time to let go.
And there's the fear of stepping into the unknown.
Maybe you'll be lonely.
Everybody's breaking point is different.
It might be strange to see this writing after a post about Queer Love yesterday.
But it's actually necessary to let go of what's not working so that we can create space for these new possibilities.
I had a great conversation with Anjali Nath, founder of Liberation Spring, today that helped me gain clarity about needing to have the courage to actively walk away from projects/people/spaces that don't live up to my standards. A metaphor she shared with me really helped me visualize the process:
pulling weeds so you can plant seeds
It takes bravery to not just "let go", but actively step away from what you know.
This can SO be the case in relation to dieting and how we perceive our bodies and our identities.
When we've poured a ton of energy into trying to shape our body and presentation to gain love and acceptance, it can feel like quite the leap of faith to think that we may be able to actually be happy on our own terms in our own body.
I'm here to tell you that if you're called to that, it's a worthy endeavor that thousands have done before you.
It's possible to be fat and happy. It's possible to celebrate your body in the way you want to celebrate it.
But first, for that to be possible, you gotta breakup with the idea that you have to change who you are based on other peoples' ideas of what that looks like.
You gotta pull the weeds so you can plant the seeds.
You don't need to diet or do anything that anybody else says you need to.
And, like I write about above, going through that realization and breakup, especially when so much of your time and energy has gone into another narrative, can feel really disorienting and challenging.
Here's my challenge to you -- Actively disengage from that anything that bolsters stories you no longer want to dictate your thoughts, actions and life.
And one specific suggestion for today: clean up your digital space - unsubscribe, unfollow and unlike anything that is trying to "take your self-esteem, cheapen it and sell it back to you at a profit", as Ragen Chastain quoted her friend CJ in her latest Queer Body Love Speaker Series interview (you can buy the full series here).
And then, start following people who live in their bodies unapologetically.
Here are a few good people to start with on Instagram:
Who do you love to follow? Feel free to comment or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
P.S. Thank you to Sophie Macklin for so clearly seeing the correlation between how I was feeling (disoriented, angry and fearful) and typical pre-breakup feels.
This is one entry in the November Queer Body Love daily blog writing, where I will be exploring through writing what I see, think, pray, and question. I don’t know what liberation looks like, but I want that for you, and for us. This blog is me sharing a personal practice of being with the question of what that might look like in the hopes that it might be useful. If you're interested in personal support from me as your guide as you explore that in your own body and life, check out my newest 1-on-1 offering, SOFTEN. I can sit with you with so much love and compassion as you orient in the direction of more ease and comfort in your body and with yourself. Together we'll take a stand for new possibilities.